No news IS good news!!!

Sorry about not updating, but yes, no news is good news. Basically, the last week has been many many dentist appointments getting me ready for the transplant. It was work that HAD to be done prior to it. This Thursday will be my last dental appt praise the Lord! and after that, they will fax a letter over to my hematologist's office and my transplant coordinator will submit all the workup tests I've done in the last week, as well as my dental letter that clears me for the transplant to my insurance company. It will take insurance 7-10 days to process all of that and approve the transplant, and then and ONLY then can they notify the donor as to when they would like to start the process. Yes, my donor has been notified (wherever they are...perhaps even Europe!), but not specifically told when it might happen. Once the insurance approves everything, they are notified and they are in charge of the schedule at that point. I'm thinking it'll be the first or 2nd week of january at this point, but obviously alot depends on the donor and their timing wants/needs.

I continue to be feeling really well which is such a blessing. It was so great to see so many of you recently in Abilene, at church and around town. I love being able to thank people in person and hope to do it much more soon. For those of you in the Abilene area, I am actually doing a benefit concert next Wednesday, Dec 23. God put this on my heart a couple of weeks ago, and I am so grateful for my family who is helping me with the concert, as well as who will be singing in it with me (some friends too!). I hope to say thank you to everyone who has been praying and also feel like I can do something for your support-even if it's only singing, it's what God has shown me that I have to give at this point. The details of the concert are...

Broadview Baptist Church auditorium
7pm, Wednesday, Dec 23.

Would love any and all of you who can make it to come.

Also, I did want to say something about the last couple of weeks in reference to my relationship with God. As I've said prior in several posts, I am so grateful to Him for people in my life and want Him to be glorified first and foremost. However, I've realized recently that I do have a sense of anger towards Him. I began processing this with a couple of friends and have realized that while I want to have a godly perspective on this whole journey, I wasn't being completely real with myself and my feelings. Now feelings I know can be something we can't always trust, but they are still important to acknowledge and I feel I hadn't been doing that.

I want to be honest in this blog, no matter what that means, and sometimes that can be hard. However, I believe this is part of my journey too. I am thankful that it happened now as opposed to after the transplant started, because I feel as though God is working in and thru me during this process of "working out my salvation." Alot of times we think that because we believe, that means that God is going to take everything away-our hurts, fears, frustrations, pain, etc. But that's simply not true. It's not been true for me for sure. And I think that our pride, at least my pride has gotten in the way of what God truly wants to accomplish in and thru me during this journey. However, my anger and pride have turned me back to Him-to figure it out, to process it and to try and understand why. Why is this happening Lord? What are you doing thru it? Why do I need to take this time out of my life for this process? Did I do something wrong?

All these questions are hard ones to be sure...questions that sometimes don't come with an answer. However, it's in the searching that we see Him. It's in the difficulties and trials that He has shown me we are "refined in the fire." Whew-that is NOT FUN! I don't like it. I'm realizing that lately. But one thing I do know for sure...God is good. He loves me and His Word is true. His promises He will never break and no matter what it feels like, He will never let us go. I'm striving daily to hold onto those promises and trust and believe. It's not been easy but it's a daily battle we fight. The search for truth, for understanding, for faith when there isn't much to be found. It's definately there. But more and more I'm starting to realize...the journey is the point...not the ending. The search is what it's about.